He Is Good Co.

Agency

I don’t know why it started— I could trace it back to being the eldest daughter, or being a woman, or add some of my trauma sprinkled in there … but when I was in my early adulthood and I found agency in my own capacity and it became everything.

I didn’t realize it but slowly my hope started to stand on my own agency.

I led organizations, I was a leader in my church, I tried to be everything to everyone, and for a while it felt really good.

It felt like, if I could work hard enough, or be good enough, it would all offer me enough hope to keep me going.

And then motherhood hit. I was pregnant back to back for 7 years and in that time I still strived to be everything. The greatest friend, leader, wife, mother, and even went to school for two years in that time.

My proficiency and accomplishments were my whole hope world view, and worse still I thought it was making God proud.

I thought consistently overriding my own body, and being a “servant” was what God wanted. Worse still, I thought my life was bearing fruit. But things typically go really well for a while when you never say no. People like leaders who never say no.

And then I got MS last fall. A total shock. And after being diagnosed I fell into the only way I knew how, which was to throw all my agency at the disease.

I’ve spent a lot of the last months reading every book I could find on MS, or suffering theology, healing, naturopathy— late night google searches, I was insatiable for answers.

And friends, this Spring we found out my disease is progressing. All my religious activity, striving, learning, flexing my agency, it didn’t work.

But a soft undercurrent of all my striving since day 1 of my diagnosis ( and frankly throughout my whole life with Jesus) has been the ever pursuing loving presence of God.

He would love me during my agency phase, always with the same refrain— that I am already loved and enough.

Or through this diagnosis I would hear His voice whispering to my heart that “this disease isn’t your fault, and you don’t have to fix it.”

Before MS “fixing it” was what I thought this whole life was about.

I thought God put me here in this broken world so that I could be fixed and then fix all the brokenness.

But in the depths of my physical exhaustion on days where I literally couldn’t move, or form a clear thought, or my body didn’t work right…

I felt the quiet whisper of God say, He has never loved me more and that His love never moves or changes. It’s the same always whether I am accomplishing much or absolutely nothing.

God has always been whispering His love for me, regardless of my accomplishments my whole walk with Him. I just never found myself at a point in my life where I couldn’t rely on my own strength to believe Him.

John Eldredge describes our hearts being split into three parts. The first part is filled by our daily menial tasks, the second with deeper hopes, desires, cares for loved ones, and the third, well thats where our desire for God lives.

Deep in our hearts, in our being, that third part is where Jesus fills, and there lies our God image.

And the hope in my own agency, after having it all be stripped away, has made me realize why life with Jesus is so sacred. Jesus offers a hope in His love that dwells deep in our hearts and can never be taken away.

This type of love was what my heart was longing for all along. A loving presence that is always available to me, holding me up.

And living in that kind of hope has made me more honest. Because I don’t have to pretend anymore. My life is now slowly being built on a love that is immovable, eternal.

That means I don’t have to say I am grateful for my MS, because let me tell you friends I am not.

It also means I don’t have to put on a religious face and say that I’m so glad I got MS because I am learning so much. I can still see God in diagnosis without believing He authored it.

I am no longer something to fix, I am a cherished daughter that God loves.

MS is helping me unlearn.

I am unlearning self sufficiency, and all the other little ways I cling for hope in things that do not last.

And I’m learning that I can rest, like actually rest in this love that I won’t ever fully understand but is there to meet me in my weakest moments — when I can offer nothing.

I’m learning to live from the depths of my heart out instead of from whatever I can grab for hope and trying to stuff it in.

I’m learning that kind of love, in the depths of my being, it really is enough. And I can praise God for that.

MS – Finding Love & Humor in a Degenerative Disease

In every human life the proverbial rug is yanked out, it’s unfortunately unavoidable on this side of heaven.

My MS diagnosis was by no means my first yanked rug but it has been my most transformational one.

And I’m only in month three of my diagnosis.

Today I took my shot I have to take three times a week, my eldest is sick, my dog puked everywhere and my hands aren’t working super well because of my MS so I spilled my lunch everywhere.

That’s actually why my dog puked — he ate said spilled lunch.

It would be easy for me to have a pity party, some would even say I deserve one.

And three months ago I probably would have.

But I cannot deny that I am changed somehow by the grace and love of Jesus.

For the first time in my life I feel like I’ve gotten a real taste of what God’s love for me feels like.

And as I was describing it to my own Spiritual Director — this suffering is by no means my first of the not yets of life but what I can only describe as God’s present love for me has made it so very different.

And let me tell you — when I was first diagnosed I wasn’t acting any differently, my mind was all fear, pity party, game plan — repeat repeat repeat.

I did not deserve or set my self up in some spiritual holy way to receive God’s love, He just kept showing up.

I was broken and broken hearted and He met me like never before and I will truly never be the same.

He loved me in my mess.

I have had the following verse up in our kitchen for about two years now…

“God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭17‬-‭18‬ ‭MSG‬‬

I’d say I had this verse up for aspirational reasons at best.

Because before my diagnosis I was fearful. I was fearful of everything, it ran my life.

I really did not understand God’s love for me, not really. ( and that’s coming from a Spiritual Director aka a professional Christian )

I love this verse in 1 John — I love the part in the message where it says, God has the run of the house when we take up residence in Him.

And I’m not going to lie friends it’s a battle. My MS symptoms — the weakness, the tingling, the eye issues — it’s all too tempting to take up residence somewhere other than God’s house — like my fear or my own strength or plans.

But the difference now is I’ve really felt His love when it’s received completely by His Grace — I’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be in His house and I know now there is nothing worth separating myself from His presence or that kind of love ever again.

Not worry, not fear, not dog vomit.

Because what is fear in light of a love like God’s?

The Word declares that nothing can separate us from His love on His end either…

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭‬38-‭39‬ ‭NLT‬‬

And when I’m filled with this love, God’s love, and I’m in His house my spiritual eyes can see more clearly all the beauty in my life, even in the storm.

He is the creator of all the beauty, my good Savior.

If you are reading this, and the rug of life has been yanked or the rug of a loved one, I’m here to let you in on a secret — the story doesn’t have to end at the rug, in fact it may just be the beginning.

The beginning of something that’s actually wonderful.

It was for me.

God’s love will never fail you — I can promise you that

MS diagnosis & God’s Love

In late September the whole fam got Covid. Sickness isn’t new for us — my eldest started Kindergarten this year and her being in school has been preciousness with a heaping side of every sickness known to mankind.

But by the beginning of October I started to lose my vision. Everything was blurry and I had pretty intense light sensitivity in my eyes. I didn’t do much about it because I thought it was all just a really bad strain of Covid.

By the beginning of November (yes November I waited way too long) I was running on our treadmill and afterwards I couldn’t see at all and felt like I was going to pass out.

My bestie and her mom urged me to go to the ER and I took the advice and off my husband and I went.

I went into the ER thinking I had long covid or something of that nature but by that first visit the ER doctor was already suspecting MS.

I thought he was nuts, I’m healthy and didn’t have any of the classic symptoms, I was in total denial.

Fast forward a month and a half, another hospitalization, so many tests and procedures, this week we finally got the official diagnosis that I do indeed have MS.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far through all this and what I know is true for any of you who are going through the inevitable heart aches of life…

Psalm 34:18 –

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God met me in the MRIs when I was scared out of my mind.

God met me in my room with all my angry and confused prayers.

God met me before my appointments.

Met me in worship songs in the kitchen.

He has felt closer and more present than I have ever experienced before, and frankly I thought we were pretty tight before all this.

And the day I got my official diagnosis I obviously spent most of the day pretty scared, discouraged, and feeling all the things.

But that night as I held my baby boy to sleep, in my son’s dark room I started to feel the presence of God.

And I feel He brought to mind all the micro moments, the little things that lead me to my diagnosis.

And my diagnosis is a good one, Covid brought on symptoms of the damage already starting in my body and because of that all the treatment I have from here on out is preventative and that’s a huge deal in MS.

I feel the love of God for me in this early diagnosis, His care for me that my disease was basically found by accident.

And as I felt God’s presence and His love in my baby’s rocking chair I felt God say this is just the beginning of our love story.

So how can a life changing diagnosis be the beginning of a love story? That’s crazy right?

But God. When the world says your done for, or a situation feels like it’s going to take you out and when nothing makes any sense God says;

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I bought a necklace early on in all this with this verse on it — before the diagnosis before all of it I was holding onto this truth…

He has good plans for me.

And for you.

There has never been a hard thing that I have had to face in my life that God hasn’t brought me through.

Not one thing.

He’s never left me, abandoned me. And in this situation I see His provision in so many places.

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭1‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So here is me doing that, sending out comfort for anyone else who has ever or is going though something like this…

Because in this life we will have trouble but Jesus overcame that trouble — and that’s the truth that brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it.

Because God could have just sent His son Jesus to die for us and that be it — we’re saved, all good and move on.

But it’s the more of God that is breaking me down. The fact that we have a God who saves us AND wants a relationship with us.

And not a crappy relationship either — it’s not punitive, it’s not based on our merit, it’s one where He wants to love us extravagantly over and over.

His love never fails us, it’s never ending.

So in the thick of the inevitable troubles that will come in our lives, take hope my friends God is for you and loves you.

And if you haven’t tried out Jesus yet — you should.

His love is like no other.

Love to you my friends.

Open Hands, Butterflies, And My Pride

My oldest just turned 6 and she started a half day kindergarten program.

Up to this point I have homeschooled her and her younger brother because of some serious health complications with my middle son.

It’s been 6 years at home with my girl, all day everyday.

And the season of our little homeschool bubble was a beautiful one.

The days with our schedules wide open, lots of outdoor play, and major quality time together, it was magic.

I always envisioned homeschooling to be our life. Me and my three kiddos at home learning and playing together. Messy, silly, together.

But last year my husband and I both started to feel the tug from God to let Mia try traditional schooling and let her decide. She’s vibrant and an extrovert to my introverted self.

To say I bucked against this idea is an understatement, one public heated argument at a taco restaurant with my husband (who is an elementary school Principal by the way) will forever be seared into my memory.

I was scared. Scared for my son, scared to lose my dream, scared to be out of our bubble.

But as time progressed and the pieces fell into place Mia started her half day kindergarten program.

And I’ve been lamenting and I’ve been throwing a little pity party if I’m really honest.

My middle son’s condition I realize now sowed some deep fear in my soul.

Three separate ambulance trips with your less than three year old will do that to a girl.

But I realize now, as my son is doing better health wise, that I am being called to trust.

And all this fear has made me closed fisted.

Fear was directing my plans, my thoughts, my everything to just plan plan plan for every contingency, every potential downfall…

But you know what? God is meeting me in my pity party and my planning tendencies.

It’s not surprising to God that my son’s condition makes me want to keep all my kids really close and safe from harm.

It’s not surprising to God that this transition has been hard on me.

I am only now starting to unfurl my fists of control just a bit.

I’ve been thinking of this verse in Isaiah a lot.

“You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, “You did not make me”? Can the pot say to the potter, “You know nothing”?”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭29‬:‭16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I do this with God – more than I care to admit. I accuse, I question, I push back, all driven mostly by my fear.

But today as I dropped by girl off for the 6th time and teared up for the 6th time, I was buckling my boys in their seats and a monarch butterfly flew towards us swept up my leg, went around my head, and back up to the top of our car.

Butterflies have deep spiritual meaning for me, a story for another time, but in this moment I felt so seen.

And so, I hold both things – trying to trust the potter and also knowing I am completely and utterly accepted and loved as I am – imperfect thoughts and feelings and all.

I thank you Jesus.

I’m so grateful to have a God who doesn’t think like I do – constantly bogged down in feeling like I need to have every perfect thought, feeling, and action, while also looking perfect in order to be loved.

Our Creator’s ways are higher than our ways.

Loves first and made perfect in our weakness.

I’m so grateful 💛

Pause

I felt an invitation from God to pause on my ministry pursuits in the beginning of May, maybe even as early as April.

I give spiritual direction, I spend time each day working on my book, I have my blog, and devote time to my writing ministries and the invitation felt like it was all encompassing, a pause on all of it.

I pushed against the idea at first, ignored it flat out. I had tea with a few of my sweet Jesus community girls and when I was talking about pausing one of my friends kindly reminded me that I had mentioned this at our last tea and was confused of why I was still posting!

That was the push I needed, a redirection from a friend who loves God, I am so grateful for friends like this in my life.

I took the pause seriously after that and now 1.5 months later here’s what I am taking away from the break.

I felt throughout the pause – first a surprising sense of relief, and second an invitation to abide.

To make my home in Jesus alone.

Not in my writing or my ministry or my mothering or my wifing.

Because good things, even good things like wanting to share about my life with Jesus can slip into the wrong place – becoming my ultimate thing.

I know this break was not to shame me. I’m forever grateful and surprised by a God who doesn’t ever shame me – especially because my own internal voice is so shame driven.

Never so with God.

Jesus says in the gospels:

“Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you”

The first part of this verse caught my heart. Jesus doesn’t just want us to make Him our home, He makes our heart His home!

This feels like radical grace and love to me- God’s love was always made to be reciprocal.

And Jesus goes on to say…

“In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭4‬ ‭MSG‬‬

My pause, Jesus wasn’t trying to just teach me a lesson, or take away a part of my life that I get a lot of enrichment from – He is continually showing me that He loves me so much that He doesn’t want my worth to be tied up in anything that won’t last.

Anything apart from getting my worth from His love.

I praise God that He loves me like this – that I can always trust what He has for me is good and not a trick.

I am grateful to learn too, as I grow in my walk with God, that examining what I am doing and how I am living is so important.

I am learning to take each part of my life, flip it over, turn it around, asses all the sides, and ask myself – is this making me into the type of person I want to be? Is this making me more like Jesus?

I know I won’t be able to abide, to live a life rooted in Jesus unless I’m intentionally looking at my thought patterns, how I spend my time, my money, my words. It all matters.

I am so profoundly grateful for the Holy Spirit, a God who is alive and prompts me towards choices that produce life.

It’s everything, it’s beautifully overwhelming, it’s peace incarnate that I am not shlepping through this life alone.

Thank you God.

I am learning to be grateful for the pauses.

Empowered Prayer

Despite being a Christian for most of my adult life I am just now learning how to incorporate God’s word into my prayer life.

I’m learning how to not just read God’s word but study, meditate, and memorize it – here’s what I’ve found as I’ve done this:

Recalling God’s truth when I’m anxious calms my heart.

Knowing what God says about an unknown future fills me with hope.

God truly has a word and truth for everything I face on this side of heaven.

I feel closer to God.

I feel more equip to face the stuff that bubbles up in my life that I don’t have answers for –

I can be humbled as I put on God’s word instead of running after my own plan of action.

This verse, a commonly recited one in Jeremiah, I am holding on tight to as I walk into my eldest going to kindergarten next year.

Because of my middle son’s health issues she has been homeschooled and home with me for the last five years.

Next year will be a big transition for us as I lean into trusting that God has a good plan for her life and protection for my son.

So today, my anxious heart, my heart that fears disaster prays:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Enjoy Life

In quiet with the Lord, I felt the nudge of God say; “enjoy your life.”

I am not good at this “enjoying thing.”

I’m bent toward productivity and I copy, paste, & repeat this tendency day after day.

To enjoy means I have to loosen my vice grip on control.

No longer controlling the masks I put on that I think make my life work.

My good girl mask – Being helpful mask – Never need anything for myself mask – Perfect unflappable mother mask, the list goes on.

And it’s not like I’m happy in my productive vice gripy self and I know it, God knows it.

I function because I forget:

I forget that I am beloved – I don’t have to hustle for my worth anymore because of Jesus.

I forget that I can trust His good plan for me and my family – so I can ease off the gas a little and allow myself to be present enough to notice the glimmers all around me.

I forget that I don’t need to live out of my wounded places anymore- God is healing each of those places in His time and I don’t have to function to avoid the hurt.

I forget that I can choose to enjoy my life even when stuff in my world is broken, my kid skips a nap, and I’m covered in snot and baby food.

Finally, I forget I don’t have to earn my enjoyment.

I don’t have to have; my kids, my house, my marriage, my pain, my past, my trauma, my relationships, my actions and feelings, all perfect before I can enjoy my life.

Jesus said; in this life you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.

He is our overcomer. He already did the heavy work and is doing the heavy work now in my life so that I can take heart.

Our founding pastor always said that there is nothing appealing about a Christian who walks around “looking like they suck on lemons all day.”

I wonder how radically transformational this little call to enjoy life could be?

Instead of watching other people enjoy life on socials; I take action to create joy in my own real life.

And I wonder how life giving enjoying may be for my relationships – my kids – my world.

Knowing Jesus has already paid the ultimate price and because of this I will never be separated from Him.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭38‬-‭39‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So here’s to me being a less lemony Christian.

It’s Always His Love.

Judging.

We all do it right?

The initial part of judgement is natural; the brain’s way of trying to make sense of our little corners of the world.

And off making sense our brains go; often without our consent – categorizing the people and events of our lives.

This more primal “offline” part of our brain assesses the threat – it isn’t wired for happiness but for survival.

And lately I’ve been all about survival.

I have been living in this survival space because of a fractured relationship with someone close to me.

This person had hurt me and judgement had been popping up in me in almost every interaction with them.

I had to ask myself – what is this really about?

And as I meditated on scripture about judgement and sought the Lord – the word worry kept sticking out.

Worry.

Jesus says in Matthew 7:3 “why worry”…

And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Holy Spirit helped me realize – I’m judging because I’m worried.

Categorizing and assessing life’s threat may be something my brain does automatically but applying meaning to that judgement is my choice.

And why choose to judge?

Because when I judge I don’t have to feel my emotions.

When I judge – the people who hurt me can be held at arms length.

When I judge I find myself creating a great argument of why this person is really a hellish creature and then I am released of any responsibility.

Free from loving this person as I would like to be loved.

And I judge because I don’t want to look at my own stuff.

If I can just focus on how crappy this other person is; then maybe just maybe I’m not so crappy myself.

Because when mistakes are made we are all quick to dehumanize who we are and who they are.

When pain bubbles up in our lives – it’s so easy to forget that we are all loved and set apart by our creator.

And at the root of it all – all this judgement; it’s worry.

That’s why Jesus starts with; “why worry…”

Because when we feel threatened; we worry.

I worry that God isn’t going to revolve this heavy stuff in the way I want.

I worry because I question His goodness.

I worry because I forgot His love for me.

I worry because I want to control.

And the trouble with the survival part of our brains – if I’m focused on worry, it will search for stuff to be worried about.

But God.

He knows we forget; and His response; meditate on Him, on verses like 1 Peter 5:7.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Focusing on truths like;

A God who cares about me; so much that He died for me.

I can trust a God who loves like that.

God knows that judging will rot my thoughts, my heart, and my relationships right along with them.

And the mercy; when fix our eyes on His goodness our brain will look to reinforce His goodness and the divine in others.

So today I’m fixing my mind on His love.

I can trust that even in the hardest conflict or in the midst of the hardest people to love; God has me.

And God loves me; in an endless – grace abound – always pursuing – lavishly over the top – type of way.

And He loves them too, that same way.

💛

Socials

I grew up a 90’s kid – there was only programmed tv and no smart devices.

Smart phones didn’t reach the masses until I was in college.

My most formative years weren’t spent glued to a screen.

So, occasionally I take a break from social media and here is what I always find:

I have a day or two where I am grumpy. Did you know that hours on socials activate dopamine and the reward centers in the brain?

When I break my body goes through a detox of sorts – and it makes me grumpy.

And once I’m through the grumpy bits I find I am calmer, happier, and have better mental clarity.

I recently watched a movie where the main character is talking about a virtual reality and how “it isn’t real” and I can’t get that phase out of my head.

Our virtual worlds – it isn’t real living.

Now this is not meant to be a bash on socials – they can connect us, we can learn useful information, they can be promotional tools, and be used for good.

But what I find for myself, I am often overusing social.

To escape.

To compare.

To feel better for a second.

And I’m losing out on really living.

My invitation for you – just look at this part of your life.

Look at what it may be doing in your own heart – maybe you’ll find you are a bit more distracted than you’d like – as I found.

“May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.’

‭‭Numbers‬ ‭6‬:‭24‬-‭26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

May God show you some light, peace, and freedom that comes from mindful living.

Good stuff comes when we are uncomfortable.

Mental Health

Mental health, it can be hard in our culture right now.

And I have found if I want to have a semblance of mental sanity in my young mom life I have to fight against believing what is not true.

When I’m sleep deprived; or touched out; or just having an off day; I can find myself attaching narratives to my feelings.

Attaching narratives is not an inherently bad thing – our brains are beautiful meaning makers.

Our brains are trying to protect us from our environment by trying to make sense of our emotions.

But sometimes this “protection” leads to some bad outcomes in our lives.

Like resenting our spouse or our kids.

Or stuffing those feelings and narratives down and finding that they like to pop back out in an overreaction with someone we love.

Now; our feelings are not inherently bad or our enemy.

We are made in God’s image and we have a God who demonstrated a wide array of emotions in scripture.

But our emotions were never meant to govern our life.

Each emotion, if we let it, can be an event that can reorient our heart towards God.

And even more wonderful – every feeling, every emotion; God is waiting without condemnation or shame to recieve every part of you and them in love.

Just take 5 seconds and read the Psalms; David who God said was a man after His own heart went through every emotion in just the span of a few stanzas

But He did those stanzas with the Lord.

Because if our emotions run the show our life instead of bringing them to Jesus our life will begin to go backwards.

We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭4-6‬ ‭MSG‬‬

In the passage above Paul is trying to express that some of our thoughts can become “loose.”

I couldn’t really think of a better word for rumination; what our thoughts and feelings do when we let them run rampant.

Unfortunately; what our brain is trying to do to protect us is really destroying us.

Ruminating promises answers and safety but it is really chipping away at the ability to have clarity about reality; of your world and who you are.

So what do we do?

We use our powerful God who is in our corner and has good for us to overcome and we make our thoughts subject to His good plan for our life.

God invites us to cast all our cares on Him. Below is an exercise where you can practice this:

Moment Breath Prayer-

When you are in a hard emotion or you find yourself ruminating –

Start by taking a deep belly breath- this is a breath where your belly literally moves when as you breathe. You can try putting your hand on your stomach just to be sure you aren’t breathing solely in your chest 🙂

You can do this once or how ever many breaths you need to calm your nervous system down.

Once you feel calm, it is time to pray.

Share your feelings with God. Share your thoughts with God.

He loves you unconditionally because of what Jesus has already done on the cross.

There is no part too big or intense for God, there is nothing He doesn’t already know – so don’t hold back.

Once you feel like you have prayed it all out; take a moment and ask yourself-

Is what I have attached to this feeling true?

For me about 80% of the time it is not.

But I can’t see what’s false without calming down my nervous system and getting into prayer with God.

I hope you find this helpful!

And my babies; Mia, Leo, and Cal – I am sorry for all the moments I made narratives about our beautiful life that weren’t true. You three are all gifts; gifts that I cannot believe I am blessed to be with every single day. I love you all so much

Xoxo,

Mama